Man cannot live by bread alone but every word (Mat 4:4).This scripture came to me as I was really struggling to keep my lent resolution. Prior to Lent almost every day I would spend hours on Facebook looking at statuses and asking for support when I felt lonely. However, each time after I was done with a conversation or looking at statutes there would be a feeling of loneliness still in my heart. At the start of lent I was half-assing it. In my head/heart I knew I wanted to and was going to cheat on Sundays. However, when Sunday came around I would use the excuse its Sunday and days are a resurrection. After using for a few minutes I would just be on there for a while, and end up using the next day. Well, each subsequent day I gave into Facebook, even though I reached out to people I felt more lonely and disconnected to Christ. This past week my mind set about my Lenten feelings changed.
I had an opportunity to chaperone/attend a youth rally this past weekend. I really didn’t know what to expect, except we were bringing a few kids to praise and worship Jesus. Well, we entered the room full of kids/adults some wanting to people there while others forced for a variety of reasons. At the start of the rally Bob Rice started off with a concert. The music was wonderful; full of love of God. After the opening music Ennie Hickman brought Christ to his thoughts, and invited all to be open to the day. Following the talk were inflatables. Inflatables are gigantic bouncy houses; some were obstacle course while others a basketball game and jousting game. Even though this was mainly for kids the youth leader and I hung out with the kids and acted like kids. Following my exercise we were asked to attend a session in the gym. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. Well, we sat down and learned Ennie Hickman was going to give a talk on prayer. First opened with prayer then he apologized for the talk not being a list/direction way of prayer. Then he opened his heart and began to speak of his experiences with God’s love and forgiveness. During his talk he brought up to thoughts that sparked my heart. For a while I have been struggling with getting back up after I sin and thinking that God did not want me back. Well, he used his heart by saying God isn’t there to keep you down and yell at you but convince you/encourage you to keep you in his embrace and love. He also spoke about how beautiful it is to sit in gods lap and not placing on any expectations.
At the end of the talk he encouraged all to come and speak with him if they felt inclined. Well, I always take the opportunity to grow in my relationship with Christ. I immediately walked up to him, waited for the announcements to be finished and started to speak. We shook hands and I asked “how do I not intellectualize Gods love”. He told me there was no problem in doing so. AS the conversation progressed he asked me I knew was solitude was. I said I had heard of the world. He then mentioned loneliness. My heart was tugged by the Holy Spirit. He knew I was lonely, and knew what need to be spoken of. He told me to seek Loneliness as a gift from God, and as my heart continued to let Christ into the Loneliness I would enter in deeper solitude with him, decrease comparing myself to others, and be happy in myself. I ask if my emotions were ok. He said yes, anything I feel is ok. At the end of the conversation I felt good, told my youth leaders I was going to confession, was handed a map and left the gym. While in line I helped girls to prepare their hearts for confession. After a while I entered the confession. My heart was open and honest to God; was told I was loved sinner and to be patient while waiting for Gods will to be known. After my soul was cleaned the bounces continued with the kids. Bouncing was making me tired and hungry. Fortunately, after bouncing was lunch. I sat with kids and make sure they were safe. Following lunch was an Amazing concert given my Bob Rice! Being able to jump up and down, seeing others love Christ is always a wonderful time. Seeing all to witness to Christ was a touch of the God significant love and glory! The conference continued with the bishop presiding over the mass alongside two amazing priests as homilist. As always the mass taught me about the Love of Jesus, and a moment to consume our Lord by mouth. Following mass was an hour of beautiful adoration. A time to see Jesus, love Jesus, and listen to JESUS!! The Lord just let me, along with others sit in front of him. My heart felt nothing but love and didn’t worry about anything around me but JESUS!!
Following the end of adoration my group left the conference. On our way home we talked about the day and everything we encountered!! I mentioned I was struggling to keep my Lenten and he confirmed what the Lord stated early, “Get up and keep going”. The car ride ended, and I made it home.
I will continue to fight for truth, love, and live off of the word of God not Facebook!!!