Monday, December 31, 2012

In the Lords time and way

One step, moment and a breathe at a time the Lord will show us the way. Many times in our lives we desire to solve the world problems. Growing up we have may have been in many volunteer opportunities for our churches, or community. This left us feeling good because people have benefited from our works. We loved doing the works for ourselves, and accepted the credit but never did the works for the credit. However, sometime in our life the Lord may call us to a different act; sitting before Him. For me and many others this is a hard task. We feel this is not doing any good for the world by just sitting in front of the Lord and being receptive to what he desires for us. To sit in front of the Lord is to be like Mary. Mary sat at the foot of Jesus, and listened. Martha did not agree with this action. But with her actions Jesus told Martha, "Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken from her".

Let yourself be ok with sitting before the Lord. Sometimes in our life this is our calling. He wants to heal  you, love you and SEE you!~ Dont be afraid to let the Lord see you!! Sit before him and tell him what is on your heart!! It seems as if many times we will continue to do much service when we have so much going on in our hearts. In these time just go for it, plop the but down and listen to Jesus! He will show you what he desires and give you what he wants in his way and time!!

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Showing us how to Love

The world tells us we need relationship after relationship to feel love. However, this leaves up feeling empty, and we then shame ourselves by looking for a relationship to fill the emptiness. Many call this a cycle of Shame. Many know they are in the cycle but do not understand how to reclaim a life without shame. There are many television shows out there that show same sex marriages, polygmous marriages, or one-night stands. These actions leave the person empty, and wanting more.  We must reclaim ourselves in Jesus Christ. However, when a person feeling shameful the last thing they want to do is to talk to Jesus Christ. They feel he may shame them or even worse reject them for what they done or how they feel. Thanks be to God... this is not our God. Our God will not shame you or disown you. He will give you the love that will fill the emptiness inside. It is not easy to go to the Lord and tell that we are lonely, and have been looking in all the wrong places. Yes, it is true He know how we feel. But when we give to Him we feel He will make our emotions pure and beautiful, and feel out emptiness with Joy. He can fill our hearts with the truth love that we deserve.

To give struggles to the Lord can be done through following the path St. Francis took to embrace a leper. At first he felt the Leper was vile and disgusting. With the grace of God, in time he was able to see Christ in them and embrace them as true brothers and sisters in Christ. Following this pattern we must learn to embrace what we feel is vile and disgusting within us.

For example:
I go in to prayer and I see the Lord sitting on a bench. I walk up to him and ask if its ok if we talk. He says Yes. At first I am a bit scared but I go forth and ask him questions at the bottom of my heart. His mouth opens and tells me such dear and beautiful words which touch my heart. These words touch my heart and give me love and peace which I desire!!!

Everyone can talk and embrace the Lord. Do not be afraid. He will tell you who you are in his EYES!! Regardless of what you feel, He will enter in and change your feelings, and fill the emptiness the world can never fill!!

Friday, December 28, 2012

Participate dont Anticipate

To open my heart up to Christ continues to be freeing. This freedom open our hearts up to feel the Lord and His grace. For me personally feeling this freedom and grace has come when I least expected.

One evening my heart wanted to grow deeper in the Lord. My Lord led me to open hours with a priest who has deep care for the Lord and students. At around 8:30 he asked if we wanted to walk and talk. With my courage and Gods grace I went along with him. As we walked and talked my heart felt understood. It was as the Lord was walking next to and new everything even before I vocalized. Even when cars were driving by us, he didnt want me by the road in case a car became out of control. Because my heart felt placed in the arms of Jesus I let myself be open to the Love and Grace provided. When the conversation was coming to an end, my heart was slighly cracked opened to emotions of love and acceptance for the father. After absolution I became wrapped in the arms of my father in heaven. I began to fight the tears. However, my father in heaven told me to give yourself permission to cry. These words for beautiful, and so I went and hide behind a big Giant Jesus and let my heart be vulnerable before our heavenly Father.

Reflection from that night:
Oh my beautiful Glorious God to do your will is beautiful, to follow you on a journey, but to know your truth priceless. My Lord and my God it didnt matter what our sins you you show us beautiful compassion. You did not look up her with distain but love and mercy. Telling her to show herself give herself over to more energy for conversion rather than to place shame on give her permission to cry, and telling her You are Daugher of the Most High King. You told her she is changing and going through a paradigm shift, and this is beautiful. Looking into your eyes he said "Am I looking at you with less dignity is still the same for you!

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Preparation takes time

Everything that is worthwhile is worthy of preparation. Tonight as I was looking through my journal entries from this past semester this line stuck out and reminded me of the journey that I have taken througout this semester. Towards the end of semester I wrote this journal entry which started my journey of freeing myself to be able to absorb the love of Jesus in a deep way.

On august 22 I entered a world full of Jesus, truth, people who wanted to live for the truth and people wating to help you live the truth. At the beginning I was ovewhelmed/excited/what have I gotten myself into feeings going on inside of me. Despite knowing that the Lord desired me that this college I was struggling with the fact that I felt I didnt belong. Because of this at my first opportunity I went to a priest who had just given a talk regarding Baptism. Because of the talk and feeling at peace listening I approached him and opened my heart up and spoke of my struggles. He was comforting with a bit of humor and tried to reiterate to me I was accept at the university. At the end of the conversation he gave me a hug and sent me on my way. A few days later I desired some personal time with the Lord.

Well, I walked into the chapel to find many students sitting in the pews. I whispered to someone asking what was occuring and they clearly spoke "praise and worship". I was excited, and rushed to sit in the front pew. Only having a few experiences with Praise and Worship all of them being good I was excited but unsure of what was going to occur. As I stood there trying to sing and pray I did feel comfortable raising my arms, or letting my heart be open to the Lord. While I was trying to pray the music became quiet, and the priest spoke of what the Lord wanted him to tell others. He tell the congreation,"There is a person here who feels out of place, who feels pagan, and who gave up a lot over the summer, and he wants you to know be a child and continue to be open to what was occuring (very paraphrased). At that moment my heart felt at peace, and I knew the Lord was present, and wanted to me be there.

The Lord was continuing to work. Because of my acceptance of this I wanted to grow in deeper truth of Jesus. One tuesday afternoon I decided to attend the sacrament of reconcilation. This was not hte first time confession, but this time it felt different. I had a feeling in my heart of wanting to puke, and sacred. Whenever I had this feeling in the past I knew it meant something deeply intimate was coming! When it  came time to pick a priest I picked a priest with glasses who seemed not threatening. As I approached I was nervous as all get out and wanting to throw up. I sat down and he said "Greetings". I said "Hi" and began my confession. After I confessed he asked me if I knew anything about Theophostic prayer, and I said No. Then he asked me if I was new? I said Yes. He said that after absolution he wanted to pray over me, but asked me if would have prefered it at that moment or later. Because of the desire to go deeper in the Lord Jesus Christ I suggested we pray at that moment. As we prayed my heart opened my heart up to the struggles of my heart. When he finished my heart, body and mind felt clear as ever!

By opening my heart up the Lord I was able to prepare myself for graces that He desire to bestow on me through the coming months!!!

( continuation tommorow))!