Everything that is worthwhile is worthy of preparation. Tonight as I was looking through my journal entries from this past semester this line stuck out and reminded me of the journey that I have taken througout this semester. Towards the end of semester I wrote this journal entry which started my journey of freeing myself to be able to absorb the love of Jesus in a deep way.
On august 22 I entered a world full of Jesus, truth, people who wanted to live for the truth and people wating to help you live the truth. At the beginning I was ovewhelmed/excited/what have I gotten myself into feeings going on inside of me. Despite knowing that the Lord desired me that this college I was struggling with the fact that I felt I didnt belong. Because of this at my first opportunity I went to a priest who had just given a talk regarding Baptism. Because of the talk and feeling at peace listening I approached him and opened my heart up and spoke of my struggles. He was comforting with a bit of humor and tried to reiterate to me I was accept at the university. At the end of the conversation he gave me a hug and sent me on my way. A few days later I desired some personal time with the Lord.
Well, I walked into the chapel to find many students sitting in the pews. I whispered to someone asking what was occuring and they clearly spoke "praise and worship". I was excited, and rushed to sit in the front pew. Only having a few experiences with Praise and Worship all of them being good I was excited but unsure of what was going to occur. As I stood there trying to sing and pray I did feel comfortable raising my arms, or letting my heart be open to the Lord. While I was trying to pray the music became quiet, and the priest spoke of what the Lord wanted him to tell others. He tell the congreation,"There is a person here who feels out of place, who feels pagan, and who gave up a lot over the summer, and he wants you to know be a child and continue to be open to what was occuring (very paraphrased). At that moment my heart felt at peace, and I knew the Lord was present, and wanted to me be there.
The Lord was continuing to work. Because of my acceptance of this I wanted to grow in deeper truth of Jesus. One tuesday afternoon I decided to attend the sacrament of reconcilation. This was not hte first time confession, but this time it felt different. I had a feeling in my heart of wanting to puke, and sacred. Whenever I had this feeling in the past I knew it meant something deeply intimate was coming! When it came time to pick a priest I picked a priest with glasses who seemed not threatening. As I approached I was nervous as all get out and wanting to throw up. I sat down and he said "Greetings". I said "Hi" and began my confession. After I confessed he asked me if I knew anything about Theophostic prayer, and I said No. Then he asked me if I was new? I said Yes. He said that after absolution he wanted to pray over me, but asked me if would have prefered it at that moment or later. Because of the desire to go deeper in the Lord Jesus Christ I suggested we pray at that moment. As we prayed my heart opened my heart up to the struggles of my heart. When he finished my heart, body and mind felt clear as ever!
By opening my heart up the Lord I was able to prepare myself for graces that He desire to bestow on me through the coming months!!!
( continuation tommorow))!