Thursday, December 22, 2011


The Lord provides graces to all of his Sons and Daughters. Everyday the Lord provides graces to use through friends, family, a possibly words on a page. Sometimes because of our sinfulness we do not believe we deserve graces from the Lord. Honestly we dont deserve graces but he gives them to us because He created us. Everything he created is beautiful and grace filled. Feeling grace filled is amazing how we always have to thank God for the graces he has given to us. If we recieve an encouraging word from a friend THANK GOD. Thank God should happen everday.

Our hearts were filled with graces
Filled with graces of his love and life
We accepted and went to the tell the world
to tell the world of is love and life

The world did not listen
they turned away with fear and anger
The little baby in the manger cried
He cried for those who did not believe

A woman cried for him alone
He replied with love and life
The Life and life contines to remain
To remain the heart of the woman
The woman remains in the Lord
For the Lord remains in her!!

Thursday, December 15, 2011


Christ likes to be in the silence, and come in the silence. This silence is attainable with Christ telling the storms to quell within. He will qwell the storm if it is the will to do so. His will may feel a lonely place; a desert place. However if you and the Lord are the people in the desert; i.e. a beautiful place. As it is said in the bible, "So, I will allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak to her heart". The child Jesus may have been quiet in the crib. In silence beautiful actions occur.

In silence the Lord hugs our hearts, knowing our lonliness,and Loves us as we are. To know this is his desire for us; to hold us. That is all we need. Our desires may stray from Christ if they are not attached to him. Some desire of our hearts may be books, television shows or relationships that are not Christ centered. The books can be Christ centered but sometimes he chooses to speak to us particularly in silence.

In Silence we will be
In silence in our love
We are to be with love
Love alone is ours
To find this love alone
There is one method
A method of Love
A method of struggle
A method not of this world
This method is silence
This method is love!!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011


Feeling calm in the Lord is a beautiful feeling. Sometimes this a difficult feeling to find. Many times when we are going through struggle we want answers. We, then, turn to the world for answers. These answers many help for but a moment. The moment will leave the heart and again will you look for an answer. By continuing to search for answers your heart beecomes raw, really loud, and peaceless. Nothing you hear calms the heart except for one day when you are called the sit in front of the Blessed Sacrament. The Blessed Sacrament is quiet and peaceful. At first you become scared because inwardly is loud and boistrous. You think nothing can get through everything within your heart. However, all your thoughts are wrong with Christ. Christ can get through any emotion to the heart. He enters the heart and silences the heart. This silence is no other. It is beautiful and yet unlike no other. Feeling silence is different because sitting in quiet does not give someone instant gratification. The Lord chooses to be quiet in Adoration to silence the heart, the body, and to be. The World does not help the person to be. If we enter into adoration in silence when we enter the world our world will become silence when based in the Eucharist. The Eucharist will silence any heart, love any heart, and will bring love and calmness. Adoration is truly the Life which we must lead. We are Eucharistic people. We must be the people of Jesus.

Monday, December 5, 2011

The cross

We all have crosses in our life. When we understand our cross we want to run. To us the cross does not feel like something we can conquer, thus falling occurs. Because we continue to fall sometimes our faith begins to decrease. This does not help our life. With everything we feel we need faith. Many of our crosses include; having an illness, being bullied all the time, or having same sex attraction. Anything of these crosses may deplitate us and slowly get us to believe the Lord does not love us because we have a struggle. On the contrary, when we have a cross we are close to Christ. Christ's cross was not easy. He fell three times on Calvary. However, at the end after he bowed his head and died there was a ressurection. Any cross will lead to the ressurection. We just have to be obedient to the cross. Many church teachings are difficult for the world. However, we must be of Christ and not of the world. The world does not know Christ. If the cross you are given is difficult the Lord will help carry it with you. Know any struggle is not outside of Gods Love and Grace. This is not easy for me. However, if I fall due to my cross and be disobedient to the church, I run to him through the sacrament of confession, and trust he gives me a new clean heart to pursue the truth!! I am continuing to grow in the Love of Jesus with my Cross. I will be honest with my cross, and accept Christ deep love with an open heart whever that may lead. Let us embrace our cross to be connected with Christ!!

Friday, December 2, 2011


Living the truth is never easy. The world does not make living Christian easy. Many times we encounter reality televsion shows, groups on campus, peers who are living lives that are not in accordance with the church. Jesus is truth. He is love. He is everything we are called to be. We strive to live the truth, and love. These are hard to live together. However when we pray to the Lord and ask for grace to do this he will respond with an open heart and love. We must treat people who struggle with same sex attraction with LOVE, people who have an abortion with LOVE, and ALL with LOVE!! Love is the language of Christ. The way we should is without distorted love. Distored Love is not Christ. We must intend to love one another as Christ loved us. I love my brother and sisters but do not always approve of their behaviors. We are all sinners and repentance is the best way we can show love to Christ. Asking him to forgive us! Lets strive for love with protecting babies, marriage and the Eucharist!!

Friday, November 18, 2011


My heart is continuing to fight for Christ, and truth. The Lord speaks to me through writing. Its beautiful to be able to keep in front of me what he says to my heart. He desires I spread these words to the world. I have written countless poems of my journey. Tonight I will share a poem that fits what my heart feels tonight. The poem was started  a few months go but the Lord guided me to finish it tonight!!! Oh how wonderful the Lord works and speaks to us~

My heart is filled with Joy
It is emmeshed with the Lord
This is the Lords Joy
This joy is no one else's
This Joy is the Lord alone
He is Love
He is Joy
He is my hearts desire

Why did I go out to the world for Joy
The world told me so
It brought me to tears and anger
I ached more than I loved
It was sadness
It was death
The world was not my desire

The Lord brought me to my knees
He brought me to tears
He told me he was the Joy
He was my love
He was my joy
He was my hearts desire

The happiness did not last long
The world called me and I chose
My heart screamed th the Lord "Why"

I began to cry and feel
The Lord responded with Love
I cried out with utter sorrow
He responded "I desire you"

Thursday, November 17, 2011


Being present with Christ is what I long for. Feeling nothing is wrong and sitting in front of Christ is a desire of my heart. Where is this where he desires me to sit in front of his body, blood, soul and divinity. How does he want me to use my gifts? By running a marathon you will not God. A person will find God by sitting and listening. The world needs to sit and listen. They are listening to the crowd. The crowd says one thing while Christ says another. Many times the Lord will tell us one thing but its terrifying to follow because it is against the Crowd. Never be afraid to follow and listen to Christ. The voice of the Lord is quiet, but peaceful and its better than following the Crowd.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

The dignity of the woman

Being called Daughter of the father is beautiful. Many woman struggle with this concept. The world tells us we are to be successful by making a lot of money, and living in the most expensive house with the most posessions. however our beauty does not lie in things but lies in Christ. Speakers such as Leah Darrow and Crystallina Evert speak about this throughout the country. Through these speakers we learn we can rise from feeling broken daughters to feel like beautiful daughters. First thing we must learn and internalize is wherever we have been the Lord Jesus Christ will love us underconditionally and welcome us home; to his home; to his heart. Second, to stop watching shows such as Americas Next top Model, and Make me a supermodel. These shows tell us your bodies are the most important thing and are meant to be used. During these shows they have weigh ins, and measurement times and when a girl is over probably size 2 thats too big for the modeling industry. No one should think their body is not beautiful. Any body is beauty. God created us all in his image and likeness and for that reason alone we are beautiful. Let us pray to the Lord for him to tell us we are beautiful. :) For the next fews days I will speak about my struggle with my femininity and how I came to become closer to loving my femininity!!!!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

My heart

During pray this poem was inspired by Christ

Its you and me Lord
Our hearts connected
Two hearts beating as one

It pulls back
The love feels strong
Can this heart keep this feeling
Its begins to cry

The Lord reaches out
The heart releases the pull
Jesus touches and loves the heart
He places it within me again

The Love Reigns
The feelings are strong
It feels hope
It feels Love
It feels understanding

Nothing matters but the heart beating as one
This feelings shall remain
It will not die
It will stay strong

Strong to fight for the truth
To fight rejection
To fight lonliness
To fight hate
The truth shall reign
For the hearts beat as one

Monday, October 24, 2011

The Truth!!!

My heart desires to serve Christ in truth. The truth has been hard to find. It has been a journey of tears, anger, confusion and then slowly but surely happiness and peace. The truth of Christ is this; He Loves, continues to love and will never stop loving. We know this by the acts he show us in our every day lives. He loves us by giving us a place to sleep, food to eat, people who love us, and by creating us. We can live the truth by being pro-life, supporting the sanctity of marriage (anti-same sex marriage), loving the sinner not the sin, and resolve to confess our sins to our loving Christ who will forgive everything we do!! :)

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


My heart desires patience,. It does not like to wait. The Lord know this and he gives me the patience to get through my homework, and the rosary. Its hard to wait for the right time. The right time may not be in my time but I know it is in the Lords. He is preparing me for deeper intimacy with him. He has a plan for my impatience waiting. He will turn this into a deep vocation of love and compassion. My hope is with him. I will continue to pray and be his beautiful obedient daughter!!!

This is a poem that I feel encompasses my vocation
I like food so I am called to fast
I like sleep so I am called to wake at 5 AM
The computer is not pleasurable so he will take it away
My heart desires silence so this he will grant
But where is this place you call
Whatever it is I will go
Wherever it is I will go
All or Joy
All for God

Friday, October 14, 2011


The presence of the Rosary is calming. Its slows the breath and brings you peace that only a mother can give!!! :)

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Being called the Bride

Reading any scripture about being a bride for Christ melts my heart. My hearts desires to be his beloved bride. My heart continues to grow closer to Christ in deep true authentic intimacy. This is what my heart is made for. Its in deep humility my heart thanks the Lord for the love he has shown me regardless of my sinfulness. My hope is the Lord will continue to love me and guide me his own beautiful mysterious way. It may hurt sometimes but the Lord will hold me love and be my true father in heaven teaching me lessons of love and hope in him!!!!


Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Never been disappointed

My heart has been realizing that through every experience, thought, feeling the Lord has never disappointed. AT the time I may think he is not in moment and does not care. This is a thought that is not true. Many moments I have had moments that I did not like. However it was not me who deemed the moment but the Lord. The Lord knows what will happen and as long as you trust in the moment regardless of answer your heart can have calmness when the Lord is present. A song that has been dear to my heart is the song "He will carry you"

I call, You hear me
I’ve lost it all
And it’s more than I can bear
I feel so empty

You’re strong
I’m weary
I’m holdin’ on
But I feel like givin’ in
But still You’re with me

And even though I’m walkin’ through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I’ve been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will
Ever need
And He will carry me

I know I’m broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You’re always with me

And even though I feel so lonely
Like I’ve never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said you’d see me through
The storm


Saturday, October 1, 2011

Let Christ increase

A prayer to decrease in onself and grow in Christ

Prayer for Humility

Oh Jesus; meek and humble of heart, hear me
From the desire of being esteemed
Deliver me Jesus (repeat after each line)
From the desire of being loved
From the desire of being extolled
From the desire of being honored
From the desire of being praised
From the desire of being preferred to others
From the desire of being consulted
From the desire of being approved
From the fear of being humiliated
From the fear of being despised
From the fear of suffering rebukes
From the fear of being calumniated
From the fear of being forgotten
From the fear of being ridiculed
From the fear of being wronged
From the fear of being suspected
That other may be loved more than I
Jesus grant me the grace to desire it (after each line)
That others may be more esteemed that I
That in the opinion of the world
others may increase and I may decrease
That others may be chosen and I set aside
That others may be praised and I unnoticed
That others may be preferred to me in everything
That others may become holier
Provided that I may become as holy as I should!!

May this pray bring you closer to Christ who is our father, daddy, master, and consummation in heaven!!!

Friday, September 30, 2011

my vocation journey looks like yarn

My vocation looks like tangled yarn. Earlier tonight my mother and I were trying to unravel yarn and put it in ball form. Well this task began difficult. There were many knots in the yarn, and it took a while just to make a little ball. Sometimes in discernment it takes a while to unravel knots in our hearts, bodies, etc. However when we begin to unravel those knots we flow naturally. This takes time. Sometimes we rush and like yarn we add more knots to the mess. For this reason our discernment takes time just like unraveling yarn. Sometimes we need to slow down our discernment and let the Lord take the natural flow and not force what is not ready. I will contine to pray and to let the Lord unravel my vocation.
Tonight the Lord spoke to me in poem form:

The world is loud and boisterous
It tells us to be quick and fast paced
When we cant face up this idea
We fall, cry and crumble
We run to the Lord
He tells us to sit
We fumble around for a notebook to write
We dont want to miss a word
We grabe the notebook and the Lord goes silent

We become confused
We want the Lord to speak
To tell us the next step to take
We stop and wait and pray
The Lord speaks, "Just be"
We dont understand
This is not what we were taught

So we start to write
The Lord speaks, "Be"
We place our notebooks down
We sit and "Be"
The Lord speaks
"This is for me, just be" 

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The Lord sent me!!

The Lord sends me places to grow deeper in his love. Everywhere, Every person, Every experiences has given me a new lesson in deepening faith in humility, the depths of Gods love and forgiveness, and my future vocation. How many people have been able to experience traveling from town to town and searching for JESUS. I thank Jesus everyday for these experience. He made everything happen. He gave me what I needed. My future vocation is in the hands of God.

One thing we must never let happen is being lazy in our discernment. Discernment is an everday task. We must pray everday and continue to give Christ our best everday. The Lord will take care of your vocation. Prayers to him will help to ease is realizing its not just our decision. We have help to decipher where to go.
The Lord defintely has told me I am not called to specific places in creative ways. The No's have been good for me to grow in humility in my own will versus his own will.

 Each day we must continue to die to ourselves to learn to be humble to follow this call.  It is hard to be humble but the Lord humbled himself to die on a cross for us. That is the biggest and deepest humbling experience anyone can ever experience. To grow in that humility we must continue to serve Christ, ask for his forgiveness, and do his will and go where he goes and listen to what he asks of us.

The Place

Where is he calling me
A place to feel emotions and love
Where is this place
I will travel far and wide
To find a resting place
Will I wear a habit or pants?
Will I wear sandals or sneakers?
Whatever it may be
It will be for the Glory of God
For he says, "Follow me"
We ask "Show me, Lead me"

Monday, September 26, 2011

Our Lady has caught my heart!

Before the TOR retreat praying the rosary was difficult. While praying the rosary there was never a strong emotionally connection involved and it was normally made me tired. After the retreat my heart has been on fire for developing a relationship with our lady. Its has become a beautiful prayer of love and intimacy with our lady. We must thank Jesus everday for giving us his mother to help us grow deeper in our femininity, and our vulnerability.

Being closer to Mary has been helping me in my vocation. Many years ago I went to visit the Salesians. I had never payed attention to what their initials meant. Their initials are F.M.A. In Italian FMA means Figlie di Maria Ausiliatrice means, Daughters of Mary Help of Christians.

My heart melts when I hear this title. I feel in her arms and her daugher. She is helping me along with her son to show me what is good for me and what I need to hear to grow in my love for them, others and myself!!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

The Lord wants everyone to be happy!

He wants our hearts to be united to his. Our hearts are made for him. He wants to hold us forever where it is safe, warm and cozy. Nothing matters except the Love he places in our hearts. Sometimes the world tries to take that faith away. When the world does this we must cling to Christ, in faith and hope for him to guide us in the way, truth and life we must live. If we are able to accomplish his way our hearts feel free to serve, to love and walk humbly for GOD!!

The world will not fill my heart
It will not give me peace
It will not give me hope
I am the glass Christ fills
I want to empty myself of the world
I want to be full of Christ for the world
For the world to know his way, truth and life!!!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Trying to catch the Lord

The Lord likes to take me places for me to build a deeper relationship with him. Since April of 09 I have went to visit the Daughters of St Paul, The Sisters of St. Benedict in Ferdinand IN, The Benedictines in Greensburgh PA, The Salesians in NJ, Sisters of Life, TOR Sisters in Toronto OH, and have recieved countless emails from religious orders. These have been great experiences filled with advice from beautiful sisters and heart to hearts with Christ. However, my heart will never be at rest when Im trying to catch Christ. Recently I went on a retreat with the TOR sisters. Before I was expected praise and worship, discussions with Girls, getting up early, and possibly a come and see. However the retreat was not what I expected. When I arrived at the airport I felt ackward with a big suitcase. It made me feel that I brought too many belongings. In reality not very many belongings were in my suitcase except for clothing and music which does take up space! Anyways after we arrive at the convent almost immediately was a shower. It was pertitent to shower for my body was tired and not smelling wonderfully from the airplane travels. A little while after the shower in a small square I met a few girls. We conversed briefly about our journeys and few minutes later a tour began. The place was quite large filled with a plethora of rooms, and many hallways. Almost every room I asked questions! After the tour was a quick talk on the liturgy of hours. Following was our first time in the chapel for the weekend.
My intial time time the chapel:

The first thing I see are the beams which look like Dominos
Jesus is sitting on the altar waiting for the world to see
The Sisters, novices, retreatants are here for Jesus
and me Daughter of Christ asking where he is calling me
I have many thoughts, feelings, wonders, fears
But my tiredness is wiping my mind away
So I just sit and just be in the presence of the Lord

When evening prayer was over it was dinner time. Because they fast on Friday we as retreatants were asked to participate in the fast. The fast consisted of bread, water and a choice of protein which was an egg. Because I was tired the meal was sustaining (somewhat). Following dinner was a beautiful talk by Sister Therese Marie. By hearing her talk I felt her love of Christ and her deep intimate love of him. When the talk ended we made our way to our rooms and after preparations for bed sleep my body went.

The next morning came at around 6:00 AM. This is quite early for me!! We made our way to chapel for a 6:30 am adoration hour. For an hour we were asked to be in the presence of Christ. In the morning it was hard to sit for an hour and be mentally present. Then we prayed morning prayer. Afterwards there was mass I think! LOL!! We sat for a long time in the mornings!! LOL! After prayer was something but I dont remember!! LOL!! Eventually there was lunch. It was nice to talk with the sisters and girls about our adventures in our lives. Througout the afternoon we heard a beautiful talk about the charism in which they used to minister, and a testimony which was full of talk about obedience, and love of Jesus. When the talk was over we had an hour before the empowerment prayer session!! My heart was in anticipation for what the Lord was going to me and what songs the sisters were going to play. This goes against advice from a SOLT priest "Participate dont anticipate".

After an hour or so we made our way to the chapel for P and W. During the prayer time a sister came up to me and asked what was on my heart. I spoke to her and spoke from my heart. The sister began to pray in tongues. I bowed my heart and let the Lord work. While the sister was praying the Lord was speaking to my heart. He was telling me to just be in his presence. I didnt have to go anywhere, sing or do anything for him to look at my heart with love and compassion, and for him to pursue me. Feeling the Love of the Lord was beautiful. He never wants to let go of me!!! When the P and W was ended it was time for dinner. Dinner was nice. I learned one thing at dinner. If I am talking with my hands I cant eat! I had issues conversing and eating!! LOL! I wonder if this is why some orders eat in silence for meal times.!! When the difficult meal was over it was dishes time. That was quite entertaining with a lot of people in the kitchen trying to dry dishes an not knowing where anything went!!! Following chores was recreation. We sat around the bonfire and talking. Me, I was given permission to play my sax around the bonfire. I played catholic hymns on my sax until it was too dark to see. The Sisters loved the music!!  When it was too dark to see I sat with a sister and conversed. When it was 9:00 it was bed time for the sisters. I, as well, went to bed.

6:30 comes quite early for this girl. Throught the time I kept waking up thinking my alarm was off. It was soo bizarre. When morning hit, it was time to get dressed, prayer, one more talk and sunday mass. We also had one-on-one talks. My talk with the sister was helpful, tearful and honest. The sister gave me hope and love in my heart. Follpwing the talk was a bit of time before mass and brunch. Each was beautiful in its own way. After all was said and done it was time for me to visit my friends for the night. Visiting my friends was beautiful. We reconnected at a deep level, and knew we loved each other.

After a few days being home my hear desired a come and see. However the sister felt it was not my calling to be considered for their way of life. My heart was saddened but knows the Lord still loves me, wants me as his own.

The most important lesson: The LORD WANTS TO PURSUE ME!! I WILL REST AND LET HIS FIND ME!!  My heart will rest in him and he will show the WAY, TRUTH AND LIFE!!!